An Inspiring Story by Leonie Meyers
Leonie and her girls taken in 2015
Your name and region where you live:
Leonie Meyers - North Brisbane
Tell us your story
I became a single parent in 2004 when my marriage broke down. My girls were almost 10, 5 and almost 4.
I had no idea I had been subjected to domestic violence until I tried to get my children counselling. They would not accept my girls unless I agreed to counselling support as well.
That was the beginning of a life changing journey that lasted years.
I had no idea I was suffering from depression. I thought it was just my circumstances eg separation and court dates. I ended up on antidepressants which began an on off habit for years. I didn’t think they helped me until my major breakdown in 2014 that I almost lost my job.
By 2014 I had acquired an extra child. My daughters friend who was homeless due to unruly behaviour. She’s a success story as I got her back to school, a part time job, off all the bad things she was on and reconciled with her family. She moved back home after 18 months with me.
My parenting style was a pendulum swinging from too hard to too soft. I felt like all I did was yell at my kids. I always felt like I was a failure as a mum. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I felt like I didn’t spend enough time with my kids. I worked two casual jobs to support us as help from their dad was minimal.
We lived with my mum for years. I now realise this was not the right decision as our parenting is so different and we disagreed too much on almost everything. I didn’t think I could manage alone.
When I finally landed a permanent job the kids were teens. This was the hardest part of raising them. We fought every day about what I see now as not a big deal. But these years were also the best and busiest years of my life. The girls all had amazing witt and could make me laugh with their one liners in any situation.
I remember I found that not speaking to the eldest was the best way to discipline her. I know now it wasn’t the best choice. But it worked at the time. We would also text if talking was too hard. Or I would take them for a long drive so they couldn’t escape and we would sort it out.
What advice do you have for mums who might be struggling?
For all you mummas out there struggling atm you are doing amazing! Even on days you are struggling and think you are not, you absolutely are smashing it. We can never know until they are grown if we are on the right track but what feels right for you is absolutely the right thing for you and them. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to take medication and seek other supports.
And above all don’t let ANYONE tell you how to parent YOUR children. My daughter often asks my advice raising her three babies. I can guide her and offer advice and support her but ultimately I leave her to make her own choices. If she doesn’t like my advice and chooses not to take it that’s ok. (This doesn’t happen often lol)
What is one thing you know now that you wish you knew when you started your motherhood journey?
I wish I knew patience. I didn’t have any while raising them but I think that had a lot to do with my depression. We need to realise our kids are not “being naughty” they are processing. As toddlers, as teens they need patience and a safe place to process and explore their feelings and emotions.
What do you feel most proud of in your life?
I am most proud of myself. I battled depression until 2017. I raised three amazing young women despite having a mental illness. I worked hard and provided an amazing life for my girls. They didn’t miss out on much even though I always felt like they did.
What did you have for breakfast?
Breakfast for us while raising the girls was hit and miss lol. More misses than hits. Some days we actually got cereal or toast. Some days they got a packet of chips on the way to school and occasionally we made it to the breakfast program at school. More days than not it was a packet of chips lol. I didn’t worry too much as long as they had something so their tummy’s weren’t rumbling in class lol. My grandchildren however get breaky every day sometimes even a cooked breakfast. I know I raised a great daughter.